The
Misfits – Part 2 of Even More Plumbing Woes
Recap
–
I
had just repaired a broken pipe at my cabin and pulled into the carport at home
just as a frozen and burst pipe thawed and started spewing water. I could not
find the water cut-off valve and had to wait on the city utility man to come
shut it off, as I stood helplessly by and watch my carport flood. The water is
shut off, and I am now ready to tackle yet another plumbing job.
The Present Situation –
There
is a drop roof across the back of my house. Part is a carport, and part is
enclosed to make a utility/laundry room, which is on a raised (conventional)
foundation. A supply line sticks up from the slab, just a few inches from the
wall. This is topped with a “tee” fitting. A faucet is attached to the top leg
of the tee, and the horizontal leg is attached to a water line that runs
through the brick wall, under the utility room floor and feeds the washing
machine. The tee had frozen and burst.
As
I examined the pipe connections, my heart skipped a beat. Oh, no! , the tee was
connected to the under-floor line right at the brick. I was going to have to
get UNDER the utility room to cut the line and splice on a new one. I am an old
fat guy, and the crawl space is only inches high. I figured I had two choices:
Call a plumber nicknamed “Snake” or take up the utility room floor, and the
last I heard, Snake had quit the plumbing business. I looked closer at the
connection and – What’s that? Oh Joy! There is a God in Heaven and he is
smiling down on me! The pipe from the tee is not glued to the one under the
floor. Some past beneficent plumber had glued a threaded fitting to the
under-floor pipe, and the tee is SCREWED into it! I can simply saw the tee
loose from the stub pipe and unscrew it from the under-floor pipe, screw in a
new pipe, glue it to the horizontal arm of the tee, glue a piece of pipe from
the bottom of the tee to the stub pipe glue a faucet fitting to the top of the
tee and screw in a faucet. Piece of cake.
I
took a photo of the pipe junction and went to my friendly, neighborhood
building supply store, (the one with helpful employees who actually know what
they are doing.) I showed the photo to the man, explained my problem and said,
“Sell me what I need.” He said, “Is this your first trip here with this
problem.” I replied that it was, and he said, “You have two more. It takes
three trips to repair a plumbing problem.” “Not on this,” I said, “This is
straight forward – just screwing and gluing some pipes back together.”
No.
It wasn’t that easy. All the pipes were short. There was no “give” in them,
necessary to maneuver the male into the female fittings. I went back to the
hardware store to ask for advice and to buy whatever additional fittings were
necessary. As I entered the store, the man behind the counter held up two
fingers. “That is twice,” he said. I explained the situation, and he said, “I
have just the thing.” He handed me a collapsible connection. It was like a
telescope. The male end was a glue joint, but the female end was a gasket with
a plastic nut that, when screwed down, presses on the gasket so it fits snugly
against the pipe, making a water-tight seal. He explained the use: “collapse
the fitting, glue the male end to one pipe with a connector, slip the other
(female) end over the pipe and tighten the nut. That is all there is to it.” I
was elated – such an elegant solution!” I rushed home to apply it. My pipes are
½ inch. He had given me a ¾ inch fitting. I returned to the store. He held up
three fingers. “This trip does not count,” I said. You gave me the wrong size,
so it is your fault. I exchanged the fitting for the proper size and returned
home.
I
installed the collapsible fitting without a hitch, then I glued the faucet
fitting to the top, screwed in the faucet, got it cross threaded and ruined the
threads on the PVC fitting. I was ashamed to go back to the hardware store, so
I went to the “Big Box” store and got another fitting. It was a ¾ inch. I
needed a ½ inch. I went back to Big Box. The bin that should have held ½ inch
fittings was full of tee fittings. I finally found an attendant. He searched
every bin in the store and finally gave up. The best I can do is a ½” by ¾”
fitting: the ½ inch end will fit your pipe, and you can buy a ¾ inch faucet for
it.
“Good,
let me have a ¾” faucet.”
“We
don’t have any.”
Dear
reader, have you ever seen a two-year old throw a temper tantrum in the candy
aisle of Wal-Mart?
Either
I frightened him or he felt sorry for me, because he continued to search – and
found them – in the appropriate bin, with a stack of tee’s piled in front. It
was now dark, and very cold. I returned home and turned on the carport lights –
and only got a VERY dim glow. I had replaced my good old incandescent bulbs
with the pig-tail energy-saving variety, and it takes forever for them to glow
brightly in cold weather. I looked for a functioning flashlight, but there were
not any. My grandson had left everyone on and run the batteries down, and we
were out of batteries. Working mostly by feel, I connected everything and
turned on the water. GLORY BE! It worked. No leaks.
Excuse
me dear reader, my cell phone just rang, or warbled, or whatever cell phones.
Do.
“Hello,”
“WHAT!
NO, NO, IT CAN’T BE. PLEASE TELL ME IT’S A JOKE. YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!”
“OK,
sob, sob, I will be right out.”
That
was a friend I let use my cabin. He lives in the area and is taking an on-line
college course but does not have wi-fi at home, but my cabin does. He went to
the cabin and found the front door standing wide open he said it is VERY cold
inside and the water does not work in the bathroom.
I
keep reminding myself that we Baptist don’t cuss. Pardon me while I revert to
my Methodist roots. %$#*_!@!!!
Afterward
–
I
went back to the hardware store to buy something else, and the attendant
congratulated me on fixing the leak with only two trips. I smiled and said,
“Well, somethings, things just work out.”
I
put an old bathroom rug over the newly repaired pipes in the carport to keep
them from freezing during the most recent cold snap. It was dry. My wife just
called my attention to the fact that it is now wet.
The next day – The pipes in my cabin bathroom thawed and did not
burst. So far, so good. Hold your breath.
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